The One About The Stuff We Teach Our Kids
Without Really Trying...

Before the Eggroll's arrival, I had made a conscience effort to control my language. Let's face it folks, I spent my formative years in the garage or the bar with a bunch of grease monkeys and felons. Then there were the years on the floor of the commodities exchange. It would not be an exaggeration when I say I could make a sailor blush.. and not in a good way either. I calmed down some over the years, but, like any other human being, I'm flawed. And let's face it, sometimes a good !*&@# just fits the occasion, or the person...whatever...

One we got the referral for the Eggroll, I started on a mini-mouth-makeover. I began to substitute ordinary or nonsense words for the offensive ones. I tried...oh how I tried.. And now my child....well...my child has learned a few things....

While searching for something that Himself had put away, I declared him a "pinhead". Now, if you ask the Eggroll what Daddy is, she'll say "pinhead". She also waves bye-bye to him while declaring "Bye-bye Pinhead!" I'd nip this behavior in the bud if I wasn't laughing so damn hard.

Inanimate objects frustrate me. One evening, while trying to get a movie to load in the DVD player I started madly pushing the button and yelling "HELLO!?! HELLO!?!" at the television screen. Now, when you turn on a DVD the Eggroll says to the screen "Hello, hello, movie"

I chatter incessantly to my child. It's supposed to be good for her language skills. When going through a store, or running errands, I usually say "we're moving on" when one task is finished. The other day, while I was comparing prices at the local Tarjay, my child, apparently bored in the cart, started yelling.."Moving on, we're moving on!" We moved right on to the ladies room before I wet my pants.

Then there's the whole road rage thing... I've got it.. I accept it... Recently, after a particular test of my driving reflexes, I ended up in the wrong lane. I swerved rather roughly and after the "Wheeee!" from the small child, I said something like "sorry baby, Momma did the stupid". Now my kid looks up at me in the kid mirror and says "momma stoooopid". Again, I'd correct that one too if it didn't make me laugh so hard.....

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The One About Doing What Comes Naturally

There's a long and involved story about how I came to be a fan of upland game hunting. I can't shoot worth a darn and I pretty much despise the outdoors. I hate the idea of birds suffering and I'm not a big fan of dirt in general. Suffice it to say that I find nature most appealing when I'm viewing it from a clean window in a temperature controlled environment. Oh...and then there's that whole peeing outside thing....I hate peeing outside...

Now that I've established those boundaries, let me tell you what I do enjoy. I enjoy watching these animals to what they were bred to do. I enjoy the unbridled passion and intelligence that these animals exhibit when they commit to the three "F's"....find the bird, flush the bird, fetch the bird... there's really something quite zen about it...

Over the years, we've had a series of these dogs. Starting with the Moose and ending with the Swooper, one generation has learned from another. This time, it's the Spinner guiding the Swooper. It's the Swooper's first time in the field and he really did much better than I thought. I had visions of having to fish him out from under the van after the first shot was fired..but he hung in and followed the Spinner...

He patiently followed along...

When in doubt, it's always a great idea
to bite the other guy in the behind...

The lead is to control the jumping..the
Spinner is not too adept at "flush the
bird" yet...He's more into "snap the bird
out of the air"...

Working the field...


A perfect point...


A singular focus...


Not bad for a former "foofy" show dog..
Though he still has that "showy" gait


Waiting for the shot....


All in all a successful morning... There was at least one funny though. This was the first time Himself and I had been out in the field together. As I was standing fiddling with the camera, a bird shot out from behind me and flew over my head. I hit the deck, camera and all..and Himself looked at me oddly when I got up. He said "I would never fire over your head"... Mmmm-hmmm just wait till you see the next credit card bill buddy..... LOL!

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The One About Being Punished for Playing By The Rules


Yet another unfinished post sitting in draft

I've never been particularly shy. Most folks that know me will tell you that the previous sentence is an understatement. And I've never been particularly PC. Also an understatement. If you're one of those easily offended types, move on now... I'm not interested in intentionally offending everyone..

The "Octomom" is the topic of much conversation as of late. 14 children, all through IVF, all under the age of 7, all, in one form or another, on the dole. I can't even begin to express how nauseous the entire situation makes me. Every one of these children should be taken from this woman, her parental rights need to be terminated immediately and ideally, she should be jailed. Yes, that's right, I said take her kids and slap her ass in jail. Never mind the idiot doctor that did the procedures in the first place. Fertility treatments are a for profit business. The medical moron did the job he was paid to do.

It infuriates me that there are folks out there who scrimp and save, pinch and plan, just to be able to have a single child. And then you have Nadya...the woman who not only brought into the world 6 children she couldn't possibly afford, but then 8 more?? Who in the world has the ability to care for 14 children? By themselves??

This is not a family like the Duggars (who, BTW, I think are plain old bat-shit crazy) Their 18 kids are spread out over the course of 15 years or so, and, they are totally self-sufficient. They made their choices, lived by their decisions and rely on no one but themselves. I think it's crazy, but I can't argue with it.

Speaking of decisions... I'm going for the totally inappropriate here... but I'm going for the gorilla in the room.... Whenever I see one of these litter dropping women, they answer the whole selective reduction question with the same basic answer "it's God's will that I have these kids". Really?? What about the not getting pregnant in the first place thing?? Wasn't that God's will too?? Oh wait, the medical technology thing solved that problem for you and that was alright?? Just what to you apply God's will to anyway?? Is it everything, just some stuff, what you want....where's the line?? I know I'm a lapsed Catholic and everything, but I'm thinking that there might be a flaw in your whole interpretation thing.

So, the litter arrives and suddenly these women are cause celebre. Now we subjected to the "Madonna" moms... you know the ones, they're holy, they're pious, they're totally devoted to their children... and they're expecting rewards. At the very least they want applause... and the rest, well the rest they claim is just people being kind.

The One with Recaps and Opinions

Well then, the last couple weeks have just kind of flown by. We've been busy around here at the House of Nyt...

• The Eggroll had her lucky toe removed. When we first started the process, we were prepared for the worst case scenario. I am pleased to report that there were no pins involved, no medications necessary, and that she is already out of her cast. No one has any idea how thrilled I am for her that it ended up being sooo easy. Within two days of surgery, she was walking on her cast and life was pretty much normal. The kid amazes everyone, no complaints, no fussing, nothing.... We had her cast removed yesterday and everyone remarked at how easy she was.. It is a bonus with kids that have been institutionalized, some are very used to being handled by a myriad of people. The minus, of course, is that it makes it very difficult to teach the whole "stranger danger" thing. I do notice though, that if she's in her "own" surroundings that she is loathe to deal with strangers. I met GB and his hubby for lunch the other day and I opened Vanbo's door before I got out. GB reached in to take her from her car seat and all hell broke loose. Let's just say...people stared...
• We're having a case of the "3's". Every direction is challenged (usually with tears) and absolutely everything is a tradgedy of epic proportions. Seriously... If you ask the Eggroll "who's moaning myrtle?" she replies with a grin... "I'm moaning myrtle!" With Himself back on the night shift, I've suggested earplugs....strongly... BTW, I'm turning into my own parents... I just turn up the TV or radio when the screaming begins... LOL! I'm not holding out for "mother of the year 2009".
• I'm not making much progress on reducing the "stuff" taking over the House of Nyt. So far I've only managed to get one huge bag to Goodwill. Speaking of donations.. I used to donate to a community group that helps families in need. They've begun dictating exactly what they want, how they want it, and when they want it. I find it rather ungrateful myself... I'm not sure I know anyone who has the time to sort and classify their donations, and then drop those donations only on the day of the week assigned to them. I'm serious... this group wants women's clothes on monday after 1pm and childrens clothes on tuesday between 2 and 4....etc. Small wonder my stuff is now going to Goodwill...
• I have managed to read a book. Not earth-shattering, I know...but I've been so involved with everyone else that I'd forgotten about me...
• Our six-month "inspection" is tomorrow. Yeah... that's when I let a complete stranger into my home to judge my parenting skills and my home in general....Crap! I just remembered that Ms. Judgey needs photos! Next on the to-do list....
• The Swooper continues to get larger and larger. I have an appointment for him this afternoon, I'll be interested to see how much he actually weighs. He's also developed a fondness for sleeping in the bed. And one other thing that just warms my soul... he's beginning to "talk". My Ancient Brit used to talk by snapping his teeth together and growling different intonations. Swooper is starting the same thing...makes me smile every time.
• "Fatburger" will not make you fat. We stopped there on Saturday for dinner and by Sunday I had relearned the definition of "explosive" when it comes to bodily fluids. Yet two more days on the Gatorade and Coke diet. Not the healthiest, but at least my jeans are looser. As a totally unrelated and politically incorrect aside... there were 4 folks of the Caucasian persuasion in Fatburger... we were 2 of them....
• Disney on Ice should be renamed, "Grift the Parents". May I say that a $300 dollar day for a three year old is a bit on the excessive side. I'm not kidding. $200 bucks for tickets, $20 to park, $30 for popcorn and soda, $15 for the souvenir...and a bite to eat afterward?? In the whole plus/minus thing, she really enjoyed it and actually paid attention to the show... on the minus side, we ran into one of the women from the adoption group ahead of ours. She's really not our biggest fan, the feeling is mutual... and all it led to was "awkward"... I'm really glad your child is happy and adorable... but really, is there any event that you'll shower for???
• If the whole country is saving their money, why is there a 30 minute wait at my local Red Robin?? If the whole country is broke why is there no parking at my local mall??
• I'd like to opt out of the whole stimulus package thing. And I'm frightened by the stuff that has been slipped in. If you haven't read it...do so... make your own call... but the parallels to Socialist Europe are frightening.
• I'm amused to no end by a friend's comment.."If you're on the right side, the Chocolate Jesus will shit M&M's for you"... and I thought I wasn't a believer... LOL!
• I'm off to complete today's chores... I've already cleaned the playroom ( yes there was bleach involved) and now the rest of the house awaits....

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