The One About Cletus and The Bot

This little fella here is fondly known as "the bot". For those of you in the know, or for those of you clean freaks out there, "the bot" is a Rainbow/Rexair vacuum. But not just any Rainbow. This particular "bot" has been with me for close to 20 years. And that's not the special part.. the special part is that this particular "bot" was born in 1959. That's right...today I'm mourning the loss of a 50 year old vacuum cleaner.

And it's all Cletus's fault...

The only service guy for these super vacs is located quite a distance from my house. I don't mind really, I think in 20 years, I've had the bot serviced once. Momma had bots over the years and I think I took hers in for service once or twice. Anyhow, the gentleman that handles the service is a semi-retired, over-all wearing, southern drawling sweetie, who's name, for the life of me, I can't remember. Now here's a thing about me...if I can't remember someone's name, I usually prompt myself with one of the person's characteristics, or, heaven help us all, if you have too many characteristics, I'll christen you with a brand spanking new name....hence... Cletus.

After a thorough examination, Cletus declared the bot terminal. Even though the repairs were small (a new cord and possibly a new switch) there just aren't parts for 50 year old bots. And Cletus charges $50 an hour just to poke around. So Cletus and I mourned the loss of my dear friend. But not for long... Cletus decided that no woman (especially one of those "clean freaks"...seriously, he called me a clean freak) should be bot-less. So he introduced me to my new great love...."Shiny Bot"

And shiny he is.... and 'spensive....whoo boy!

Now before anyone scolds me for spending absolute gobs of dough..let me remind you of a few things. First, I was in mourning and second...his cousin was 50 years old. By my estimation that means I'll need a new vacuum when I'm 93 and at that rate this little bugger cost me a measly $26 a year...

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The One About Stuff I Don't Get

 

 

 

There's a whole bunch of stuff in this life that I'll never understand...

 

* Why the Chocolate Jesus feels the need to have a press conference EVERY SINGLE DAY! For the love of God man, campaign season is over! And furthermore, no matter how often you try and sell a used car, it's still a USED CAR! You can call it whatever you want, you can try and wrap it in pretty paper, it's still a BAD IDEA!

 

* Why people think they're doing my kid a favor when they feed her arbitrarily. My child has a eating disorder, it's documented and we're seeing therapists for it. But somehow, folks just think it's a great thing to feed her whatever, whenever, without asking. Seriously, you'll ask me if it's alright to feed my dog, but you won't ask me about feeding my kid??

 

* What the hell happened to the grown men in my life. Flipper had his annual golf outing, which seemed to turn into nothing but a geriatric frat party. Complete with unconcious party goers, house damage and peeing in the pond... we shall not discuss the age of the participants...

* Why the Swooper eats EVERYTHING. You name it, this dog will attempt to eat it. Wood, paper, plastic, heck, I even caught him with a mouthful of steel wool (that was a C-note worth of X-rays). Perhaps I should send him to therapy with the Eggroll.

* What happened to summer in the Midwest? Sure, now that we replaced the airconditioner, it hasn't gone above 80 in what seems like weeks. On the plus side, we may be able to try out the new furnace since it's dropping into the 50's at night...

* Where the time goes. The Eggroll has now been with us for a little over a year. Parenting still hasn't gotten any easier... LOL!

* Where have all the manners gone? Is there a "manners graveyard" somewhere? Does anyone have directions??

* Why companies are against rewarding customers. Recently, our local cable company offered a sweet deal for new customers. The deal would have shaved almost $60 a month off of our current bill. They won't let us have it, but they've been generous enough to offer us $5 a month off of our current bill. Gee that's swell (insert sarcasm here) You would think that in these tough times that companies would be just as concerned about retention as they are about getting new clients...

* Why it is that folks with "oddities" find it necessary to slap photos of themselves everywhere. Are you unaware of your one wonky eye?? Has no one told you? I'm now no longer reading your posts, I'm staring at the wonky eye. You could be writing earth-shattering revelations and I'm going to miss them because of the wonky eye. Please stop.

*Why every one is an "expert". I'm thinking that the recent, home-grown gradute of UC Berkely is not quite the health care "expert" he's been labeled. Acne treatments do not qualify you as an "expert"

I know, I could have done better... it's not like I haven't had months to work on a decent post... I'll try harder next time...

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